


More, more, more

by smeuse



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23297446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smeuse/pseuds/smeuse
Summary: The realisation of the form his want had evolved into took a staggering long time to settle into Yeosang’s mind.The dreams that woke him in the middle of the night gasping for breath had plagued him for months. He had been confused at first by their occurrence, but slowly, he had let himself enjoy the feelings and sensations his imaginings brought him. They were formless, harmless, so he chased the feeling.However, in a second of touch and a breath, the stillness in his mind is shattered.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	More, more, more

The realisation of the form his want had evolved into took a staggering long time to settle into Yeosang’s mind.

The dreams that woke him in the middle of the night gasping for breath had plagued him for months. He had been confused at first by their occurrence, but slowly, he had let himself enjoy the feelings and sensations his imaginings brought him. They were formless, harmless, so he chased the feeling.

However, in a second of touch and a breath, the stillness in his mind is shattered.

While the longing in his gut had slowly settled like a brewing storm, it was the realisation like a summer storm that brought a torrent of feelings. Lust. Relief. Shame. Anger. All in the span of a few seconds, with the tingle of realisation still trapped in the heat that had been pressed to his side moments ago.

Trapped under his ribs now as he sat on the couch with the rest of his members, was the _want_ as he watched Jongho walk away. He wanted him to come back. He wanted him pressed up against his side where he belonged. He wanted his heat, has hands, his thighs.

Yeosang shot up suddenly.

Seongwha on his other side startled with a quiet, confused sound and dropped the remote he had been holding. The rest of the boys turned their attention towards the two of them.

Something must have shown on his face.

“Yeosang-ah, are you okay?” Hongjoong asked, his eyes turning down as his lent his head back on Seongwha’s leg.

He could feel himself trembling, he couldn’t stay still. His feet already moving, Yeosang shook his head and sent a quick apology to his hyung. All he could think about was escaping to the safety of his room. He didn’t even see the person in front of him as he collided with Jongho only a few steps later in the walkway between the lounge room and the kitchen.

“Hyung!” Jongho breathed as his grabbed onto Yeosang’s arms to steady him. The touch was light and brief. Yeosang could feel Jongho’s hands branding into his skin through his clothes.

His scent was clouding his head. His _scent_. He had been in front of him all along.

Before he could do something pitiful like fall into Jongho’s arms and beg him to touch him _more, everywhere, please_ , Yeosang ripped his arms away and fled down the corridor to his room. The door thudded behind him, and he hoped it was warning enough to not follow him. He needed time to clear his head. He wrapped his arms around himself as he fell on to his bed.

Yeosang wanted to take it all back. The want, the longing. The nights he dreamt and let himself fall into to all. He wanted to shake himself and rattle the feelings from his brain. How hadn’t he realised it had all boiled down to him. Jongho.

Yeosang was broken from his thoughts by a knock on the door. A concerned voice drifted through the wood and he could hear Jongho’s pleas.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

Followed by, “Can I please come in please, Hyung?”

Yeosang grasped the pillow under his head and secured it around his ears. He couldn’t listen to his dongsaeng right now, not with the shame stirring low within him. Not with Yeosang having realised the depth of his want and its direction. And Jongho, sweet, innocent Jongho standing on the other side of the door having no clue.

Moments passed by as Yeosang squeezed his eyes shut and smothered himself with his pillow, willing Jongho to walk away. His thoughts kept churning inside of his head like an ugly storm. Questions kept rising into his mind, banging into his skull.

 _Why couldn’t it have been anyone else?_ Not their maknae, the innocent baby of the group who hated skinship.

 _Why did it have to be now?_ With so much at risk now with their careers finally taking off and ATEEZ gaining recognition with a growing fanbase. It could all fall apart so easily, because of him.

Because he couldn’t rain his feelings in.

The thoughts turned over and over in his head until a quick knock again broke his reverie, and the door slowly opened revealing a concerned Wooyoung.

Yeosang quickly snapped his eyes shut to avoid making eye contact with his best friend. He didn’t want to talk about it, and he certainly didn’t want anyone to know. He felt the shame flare up again inside of him, burning his ears red.

“Sangie-ah, what’s going on?” Wooyoung’s soft voice washed over Yeosang, attempting to soothe him but Yeosang wouldn’t let it. He curled in on himself and shuffled until he was facing the wall.

The door clicked closed quietly and Yeosang could hear footsteps approaching him.

“Are you feeling okay?” The bed dipped under Wooyoung’s weight as he sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on Yeosang’s back, rubbing in slow circles. Yeosang wanted to curl into Wooyoung and cry and tell him everything to make the guilt and pain go away. Instead, Yeosang just shook his head and further curled into himself.

Wooyoung just hummed and continued to press slow circles into his back. Yeosang eventually drifted off to sleep.

* * * * *

With the high morning light creeping through the curtains in his room, Yeosang woke up with a head stuffed with white, fluffy cotton balls.

He rolled over to check the other bed in his room and found it empty and unmade. Wooyoung must already be up, he noticed. It must be late morning then, he mused, and checked his phone with a groan. It was almost midday and he had messages pending from all his band mates.

Yeosang let his phone drop to the bed and he stuffed his face into his pillow in an attempt to smother himself.

Anything to find a way out of explaining to his friends what happened last night.

Anything to avoid coming in contact with Jongho and feeling the guilt and want wash over him again in a drowning wave.

Anything to make him feel like he can get out of bed and continue as if it is another day.

Suddenly, the strained breath inside of him escaped out of his lungs and he laid back to stare at the ceiling.

“It _is_ just another day” he whispered, blinking at the ceiling. Nothing had really changed, Yeosang decided. He didn’t want his feelings to complicate or change anything. He had a duty to the group to make sure it didn’t.

He had a duty to Jongho, he reminded himself.

At that moment, he vowed to himself that his dongsaeng would never find out his feelings or question his behaviour towards him. There was no way that Jongho could ever feel the same about him, and there was no way he would want Jongho to feel like he had to. He knew Jongho looked up to him as a hyung, and he would never want to abuse that power.

With the resolution settling into his bones, Yeosang finally heaved himself to sit up on the side of his bed. His head throbbed with the effort and he blearily blinked in an attempt to clear his swimming vision.

In the next moment between his breaths, Yeosang’s neck cracked as he jolted with realisation. He didn’t know how to actually do that.

He didn’t know how to face everyone and explain away his strange behaviour. He also didn’t know what to do now that he knew that he’d been having re-occurring dreams about his younger band mate. Fresh into adulthood. And Yeosang had already been lusting after him.

He felt shame and guilt begin to stir at the bottom of his spine again.

“Yah!” Yeosang bemoaned at himself as he stood up. “You need to snap out of this”, he muttered lowly to himself as he grabbed his towel and toiletries and headed to the door. Flinging the it open, Yeosang stepped out to head to the washroom down the corridor and stepping into a broad body in front of him.

Immediately he knew who it was. His scent had been floating around in his brain for months without him even realising. And now he was right in front of him making it glaringly obvious.

Yeosang decided as he stared at the bare shoulder in front of him, that he was decidedly the stupidest member, no matter what he’d previously thought.

“I have to go”, he squeaked to the shoulder and pushed past to scurry as quickly as he could to the washroom without running.

Finally, in the safety of the washroom, leaning heavily against the door, he let his head thud roughly into the wood.

He was officially screwed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Welcome to my first official fanfic I am posting here.  
> Please feel free to let me know what you think. If it is not to your style, I respect that. Please be kind with your comments.  
> Not beta read at all, so I am so sorry for the mistakes I'm sure you found. I will hopefully go back and edit this again at a later date.  
> More will come soon as I write. Enjoy!
> 
> Story title comes from the new song by AB6IX and Kim Donghyun 'More'.


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